seeing THAT made ME smile. but then again, was it for me? or someone else? did she miss me? or someone else? then again, why am i feeling this way? stop deluding yourself khoo. don't ruin yet another friendship, in the name of so-called 'love'. don't. dammit nobody should ever see this. but i have to get this off my chest. she just msged. and i don't know how she feels. you know those stupid friendster posts abt how oh he was her best friend. he loved her but he never said so blah blah blah. well, sometimes i feel that way. and it's not so simple as just telling her. what if, she rejects you? what happens to the relationship? and even if she does accept, won't it be weird? best friends suddenly an item. ah. God help me. man. life on the emotional roller coaster.
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and confusion reigns. i've never felt this way for so long. question posed. now, waiting for the answer, and i dunno what i want to hear. yes. then what? no, then should i feel hurt? or relieved? if yes, then... am i ready? am i prepared? there goes the blinking. she's replied. i don't wanna look. dammit. she said YES. now what? does she like me? as a friend? as a 'girlfriend'? or sth more? do i even dare to entertain that thought?? gotta pray, pray. and it's not as if i've known her for very long also. at least not known well. am i weird? she's probably on the other side, happily chatting with her 'girlfriend' aka me, while here i am, making myself feel all emo again. thaaanks. should i show her this? what if she laughs? or worse, what if it spoils the friendship? and makes things all awkward. argh. but if i don't, and she never knows, i'll always feel this way, with all this pent up emotion i've not felt for so long.
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and even though it's just messenger, i feel that i can really connect with her.
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what kind of question is that??? blah.
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23:35) maine.:how come you dont update bobamey anymore?
(23:35) maine.:
(23:35) It's mind-numbin:hahaha
(23:35) It's mind-numbin:you want me to?
(23:35) maine.:yes
(23:35) maine.:D
(23:35) maine.:so i can read it when im bored?
(23:35) maine.::D
haha since you wanted me to update, i shall. see i'm so nice! hahaha =p anyway yea, just reading through last night's convo, it really is super super confusing! mannn... haha beating around the bush like there was no tomorrow =p and because of you i'm hooked on the song already! it's so nice haha =) school today was well, everything seemed to go right haha. everyone in class was so happy, and like, they said they noticed me smiling a lot. so they asked la. haha.
oh and i still don't get the 'inferior' part :\ and to tell you the truth, i had a crush on you before too :\ that's why you know, sometimes i found it hard to talk to you online. haha. i guess different ppl have different ways of dealing with their crushes. the reality of it all has still yet to sink in.
"it's breathtaking to think of you"
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if i'm coming on too strong, please tell me. cos somehow, i get this feeling of... you trying to avoid me. perhaps i'm wrong? i hope i am =)
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WELL DONE AH JEREMY, WELL DONE. this kind of thing also can screw up. WELL DONE. i'm sorry. ARGH! why am i so stupid. i should have asked properly. got a proper answer. instead of just ASSUMING. i'm so sorry, i didn't mean for things to be like that. i thought.... sigh i thought wrong. please forgive me.
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i know you still feel somewhat for him. that's ok. i understand. and i also know that we shouldn't rush anything. but i'm always just afraid of saying the wrong thing. that will just totally ruin everything. and i don't want to come across as pushy, or clingy or whatever. i don't want to scare you off.
listening to emo songs first thing in the morning. reading your blog, and understanding your confusion. why should i not care for you? what if i want to? what if, i need to?
(I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time)are you the one, God has in mind for me?
